


Nani the Fuk

by ButteredLobster (VeganChocolateSyrup11)



Category: Fire Emblem: If | Fire Emblem: Fates
Genre: M/M, Written at 1am, anti pineapple on pizza, crackfic, dad jokes, leo is on the moon, lobster therapy session, yoshis are the new wyverns
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2017-06-16
Updated: 2017-06-16
Packaged: 2018-11-14 16:50:26
Rating: Not Rated
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 619
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/11212194
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/VeganChocolateSyrup11/pseuds/ButteredLobster
Summary: Takumi has a therapy session with a lobster, Ryoma likes Xander’s butt, and Leo is in space.  What the fudge is going on here.





	Nani the Fuk

Takumi was really, really, reallllly sad. He couldn’t go into space like he wanted to so badly. SAizo liked to kinkshame him about it all the time. It was so annoying!!!! So he decided to seek answers from his older bro, the lobster, Ryoma. 

He ran into the room and grabbed the lobster out of his tank. “whatthe fudge” said the lobster except it didn’t because lobsters can’t talk. “Brother I can’t go into SPACCCCEEEE.” He sighed. “It’s so frustrating. I just want to see Leo, I know he’s up there on the moon!” The lobster just stared at him because what else do lobsters do. He was probably wondering why the heck Leo was on the moon. Takumi thought about leo and sighed at the lobster again (will this boy ever stop sighing).

Ryoma the human walked into the room in the middle of takumi having this weird therapy session with a lobster “ummmmmm….lol k” he said and did a barrel roll back into the hallway. 

Corrin made corn for everyone and called everyone to the table for dinner. Ryoma sat next to Xander because he liked his butt. “So…we’re just eating corn tonight?” Xander asked, looking semi-confused. Suddenly, Niles flew across the room and knocked the corn off the table. “Nani the fuk” screeched Sakura. Odin dank was in the hospital from aching blood problems, and Leo was on the moon, so Niles just exploded I guess. Corrin cried because all the hard work put into the corn was ruined by a unidentified flying Niles. Xander was concerned because no food. 

“I CAN MAKE RICE BALLS” said Felich-ch-ch-chia. 

“They suk lol bye Felicia git good” said Takumi in an MLG way as he came down the stairs from his successful(?) lobster therapy session.

“YO WHAT’S UP HOME SKILLET” screamed Sakura at Takumi obviously because who else would be her home skillet???

Ryoma grabbed some hoshidan sushis and just ate those bc aint no one got time for Felicia’s cooking. He offered some to Xander as a wedding proposal. Xander accepted but Ryoma suspected he didn’t get that it was a proposal. No one went to check on niles, but he had disappeared with all the corns so it didn’t matter anyway. 

Corrin apologized. “I’m so sorry, I thought corn would be perfect for dinner” “Hi, so sorry. I’m Ryoma” said Ryoma and Xander looked over and it was true love at first dad joke (SO ROMANTIC). Xander wanted to compliment his marvelous dad joke but he couldn’t stop stammering about nice weather. “AWKO TACO.” Said takumi laughing because bitch, he was a taco. Ryoma shined really bright with comedic genius. Xander fell off his chair clutching his heart because it was doki-ing. “THE FUK LEO AT?” yelled Sakura very aggressively. “On the moon” said Takumi. “Oh, ok.” She replied, deciding not to question it. Camilla and Elise burst through the door, atop Camilla’s majestic purple Yoshi. “I GOT A PIZZA”, Camilla screeched. Everyone cheered, but not about Camilla’s pizza. Xander and Ryoma apparently got engaged after one dad joke and everyone had just figured that out. “What kind of pizza is it?” Xander asked, adjusting a new ring on his finger. “Hawaiian!” she said happily, setting the pizza on the table. 

A crash echoed through the house and Leo pulled off his space suit. “PINEAPPLE DOES NOT BELONG ON PIZZA!” He said, punting the box off the table. Takumi screamed and ran to tackle Leo. Camilla looked sad. The pizza had had one job, and it had failed. She cried and held a funeral for the pizza. 

And that’s the story on how ryoma and xander got engaged and how leo came back from space.


End file.
